Dear lobster,
It is hard to have faith sometimes. I know God is who he says he is. But I wonder if you'll ever let down your guard. I broke your trust. I hurt your heart and I can't take it back. I am so ashamed. But I do love you. So much. You are precious in my life and I wish I would have been healthier to take care of you.
I realized this week how abusive my parents house was. It was a rude awakening and I feel like it is my fault. Maybe I could have been better. I am out of there now. Thank God. But it has been hard to wash off the effects. I don't know how to just be. I have spent the last five years asking them what the weather was and how I should feel about it and now it is like a shock to the system to do it on my own.
I don't excuse my behavior. I am learning new behavior. To be healthy.
I love you always. BG
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